I think I might like someone.
Certainly, I find myself feeling like I do. That same warphole I keep falling in despite the fact that I know it always ends in an obliterated soul. I want close the pages now, I've read this book before. Yet I cannot, and even if I could I can't deny this is good for me.
He's not Nathan.
Within 24 hours of meeting him on a one-on-one basis, all thoughts of the man who I had been pathetically pining over for the greater portion of a year more or less was washed away. I had been surviving, now it seems as if that part of my life is ancient history. I know it was an accident, a fluke. He has absolutely no idea that he's affected me in such a way.
I'm not sad, I'm not angry, and I most certainly do not feel as if my romantic life is over. Yes, Nathan did hurt me. I am still offended and still wish he would have at least stayed friends instead of what he chose instead, but for the most part I'm over it. I'm happy.
So how could I not like the person who quite accidentally changed the quality of my life? So strange that as soon as I decide to swing the other way, giving up on men (after trying to move on first!), I find someone I like.
Of course this is hardly a happy ending. This guy will not be around long, and quite honestly I'm too afraid of being rejected not only romantically but as even someone to be around, with due reason NATHAN and KELTON, too emotionally scarred and scared in order to just place my bets and put the cards on the table. Despite the fact that this guy seems quite wonderful from the limited time I've spent from him, he made me realize something.
He's not Nathan.
Within 24 hours of meeting him on a one-on-one basis, all thoughts of the man who I had been pathetically pining over for the greater portion of a year more or less was washed away. I had been surviving, now it seems as if that part of my life is ancient history. I know it was an accident, a fluke. He has absolutely no idea that he's affected me in such a way.
I'm not sad, I'm not angry, and I most certainly do not feel as if my romantic life is over. Yes, Nathan did hurt me. I am still offended and still wish he would have at least stayed friends instead of what he chose instead, but for the most part I'm over it. I'm happy.
So how could I not like the person who quite accidentally changed the quality of my life? So strange that as soon as I decide to swing the other way, giving up on men (after trying to move on first!), I find someone I like.
Of course this is hardly a happy ending. This guy will not be around long, and quite honestly I'm too afraid of being rejected not only romantically but as even someone to be around, with due reason NATHAN and KELTON, too emotionally scarred and scared in order to just place my bets and put the cards on the table. Despite the fact that this guy seems quite wonderful from the limited time I've spent from him, he made me realize something.
There really is more fish in the sea.
I'm going to regret it if I don't tell the guy I like him, if I leave things unsaid, but I just can not be sure that I am ready for a relationship yet, especially if I'm not ready and then I chance it only to get dejected and ridiculed again. Everyone is telling me it's best to try, but I can't be sure. I know it's probably usually the right course, but... I'm afraid.
I am so goddamn afraid of rejection, of isolation, of being tormented by unrequited love.
What do I do?
I wish I had a god to pray to...
I am so goddamn afraid of rejection, of isolation, of being tormented by unrequited love.
What do I do?
I wish I had a god to pray to...
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